The Return of the Prodigal Son, Pompeo Batoni, 1773 — *The Return of the Prodigal Son*, Pompeo Batoni, 1773

Jesus said, ”...whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” (Matt. 10:37)

A strange and unsettling phenomenon of modern parenting, even among Catholics, is the idea that we must not risk losing our children’s love and good opinion of us, and that, despite the bad things they do, we must always tell our adult children that we are “so proud of them”—even as they do those very bad things. We slavishly affirm them and call them “creative” and “courageous“—even when they gravely sin, degrade themselves, embrace serious error, and offend God Almighty.

Parents, this is a huge mistake! You can really and truly love your child without affirming the bad he does. Rejoice and affirm when your child does good, but be sorrowful when he offends God. Look to the example of the holy ones like St. Rita, who prayed to God that her two revenge-seeking sons would die rather than commit mortal sin that would consign them to hell (He answered her prayer), or like good Queen Blanche, the mother of St. Louis:

Blanche's primary concern was to implant in him a deep regard and awe for everything related to religion. She used often to say to him as he was growing up, "I love you my dear son, as much as a mother can love her child; but I would rather see you dead at my feet than that you should commit a mortal sin."

This hardline disposition on the part of the parent seems extreme and even unacceptable today, but it is imperative. Not only for the child’s soul, but for the parents’ souls as well. Because another part of this modern parenting phenomenon is not often discussed: The parents who affirm or accommodate their children’s sin often end up being sucked out of the Church right behind their kids.

When parents go soft on the moral law in a misguided attempt to “love” the child and make him “feel accepted,” the parents end up looking just like the same world that embraced, er… devoured the child in the first place. This is a recipe for losing the spiritual battle, not winning the child back. When even a particularly devout parent with good intent (usually the mom) convinces herself that “I will push him away if I don’t accept his choices!” or is terrorized by thoughts that the child will kill himself if she doesn’t go along (a common fear), Satan has his firm foothold. Things go downhill from there, and the enemy snares not only the child, but the whole family.

After all, the child cannot become the prodigal if the parents go out into the pig slop with him.

How can a child come back one day when the path to Truth has been rubbed away by parents who thought they were being compassionate and empathetic? There will be no refuge remaining for the child who regrets and seeks to turn around, because there will be no foundation to come home to.

The parents themselves may not realize what is happening until it’s too late. And by the time the parents realize that they, too, are out of the Church (at least practically, if not yet formally) they may not even care anymore. They may have already started to blame the “mean, unloving Catholics” for “pushing us away from Christ,” or they may have already rejected a Church that “needs to change with the times”—even as it is they who have rejected Christ, of their own volition and by their own fear, neglect, and laxity.

The story, which is as old and common as dirt, is repeated constantly in private, and now we see it playing out publicly, in the many social media declarations of a newfound “woke” Catholicism, and even in formal apostasy among Catholics “influencers” who follow their atheist or “LGBTQ” children right into darkness. Start paying attention to the patterns, and you will see it, time and again.

I’m not the only one to identify this phenomenon. My friend Joseph Sciambra has seen it all. I included his thoughts on this subject in my book with Trent Horn, Made This Way: How to Prepare Kids to Face Today’s Tough Moral Issues (and I’m too lazy to type it out, so I took some pictures, ha!). Joseph was blessed that his father never gave in and “supported” his homosexual lifestyle and immoral relationships, but instead stood fast and prayed, year after year.

And now a special note to younger parents, especially moms: To save the heartache of tough decisions later, raise your kids to know, from the youngest age, that you will never, not for any reason, compromise your Catholic faith on any matter, and certainly not for any sin that they might commit in the future.

That means that if they decide to quit going to Mass while under your roof, that won't fly; they will go to Mass or leave your home. That means that if your teen wants to get drunk in your house or have a boyfriend stay over, you will never allow it. If your child wants to hang with bad friends, it's not going to happen. If he does drugs, he won't be welcome around your other kids. If a child announces "I'm gay (or lesbian, or transgender)" and wants to live that out, you won’t support it. If your child decides to live with someone before marriage, you will never go to their place, never cross that threshold. If they decide to marry outside the Church, you will not attend.

If you make this a part of "who you are" from the very beginning, I promise you, they will understand. They will know the deal. They will understand that you are willing to offend them (your children) before you are willing to offend God. You will tell them early that you will always love them, and that is precisely why you will never—NEVER—support their sin.

Your kids will see that nothing will shake your faith, and—this is key—they will not expect you to change for them. This understanding earns respect, and the bonds of love can still remain (even if they leave, like the prodigal), because it's based on the integrity of who you are. They will know from the beginning that you cannot and will not be emotionally manipulated into condoning or even tacitly approving their sin. Remember: Committed sinners want the people they love to go along with their sin. It helps their consciences to justify the wrong they are doing. But if you stand strong, then any potential rift between you will be on them, not on you. And they will know it.

It's so incredibly rare to see someone with the integrity of belief, and so your unwavering faith will be like a beacon of truth and light for your children—and if they stray, they will have something to come back to (think St. Monica and St. Augustine).

So, start teaching them young, in such a way that, if you ever (tragically) compromise your faith, your children will be shaken and think: "Where did my mom go? This is not my mom!!" That is how firmly your Catholicism should be part of your identity.

I repeat again that severe and uncompromising statement of Truth by God Incarnate, which Catholic parents ignore or dismiss at their own peril and that of their children:

”...whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”

Parents, find your courage. Loving your children well always means loving Christ more.