Leila is the author of Raising Chaste Catholic Men: Practical Advice, Mom to Mom. In addition to her own blog, she is a contributor to Catholic Answers Magazine Online. Leila and her husband have eight children and several grandchildren.
The following was given to me by the family of Denise and Sean, and is reprinted here with their kind permission. I have not edited the story.
Sean Patrick Jordan’s Memorial Mass
- August 8th, 2018 -
Our Lady of Guadalupe Chapel - Pinecrest Academy
This is a story of God’s abundant mercy and love.
In 1962, Sean Patrick Jordan was born to Alice Noble Jordan and Francis Patrick Jordan on February 11th - the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes. He was the youngest of seven children all of whom loved to spoil him. He was, according to his siblings, his mother’s favorite.
He grew up playing several sports serving as quarterback for the high school football team to captain of the basketball and baseball teams. At the end of his freshman year of high school, he won the Most Athletic Award.
Sadly, in July following his freshman year of high school, his father passed away from colon cancer at the age of 56. Sean, who was very devoted to his mother, quit all sports to help take care of her.
He began working at T.G.I. Friday’s as a busboy working himself to waiter and then bartender where he eventually trained all of the Friday bartenders in the Southeast.
He attended Buffalo State College majoring in Hospitality Administration. During this time, he experienced another major loss. His girlfriend and her friend were murdered while on Spring Break in Florida. He never seemed to resolve the losses of his dad and his girlfriend.
He was sent to Atlanta to train the opening staff of a new T.G.I. Fridays. This is where I met Sean Jordan. I was hoping to become a flight attendant, so my mom suggested I wait tables to see if I liked waiting on people. When I found out Sean was from Buffalo, I immediately wanted to know if he knew the street on which my grandmother lived - she happened to live seven minutes from his mother’s house. While growing up, I would travel to Buffalo with my family to visit my grandmother and aunt several times a year, so Sean and I originally bonded over our common knowledge of Buffalo.
I fell in love with Sean for several reasons, but one of the main reasons was due to the way he treated his mother. To this day, I do not know one 24-year old who would send his mom $500 every month. Someone once said that the way a guy treats his mother is the way he will treat his wife.
We dated for two years and were married at Immaculate Heart of Mary Church in Atlanta in December 1988.
Our marriage was one consisting of true love and support of one another, going to Mass together, traveling around the country, attending three SuperBowls - we were avid Buffalo Bill fans, and having a relationship that I thought could never be broken. As a matter of fact, if someone had asked me at the time, “What is your greatest fear,” my answer would be, “Losing Sean.” I could not imagine life without him.
Our schedules were a little off as he worked nights and I worked days as a teacher. After seven years of being unable to conceive a child and after seeing a fertility doctor, we decided to adopt. In June 1997 our truest blessing and gift from God - Nicholas Chrispatrick - was born.
By September 1999, Sean had his own restaurant. Sadly, his mom never got to see it. Tragically, she bled to death in the hallway of a hospital in February 2000. It was at this point where Sean truly began to spiral out of control. Despite having a great marriage and being surrounded by love, he started making several bad choices which brought so much heartache to our family.
I never thought I was up against Sean. I always felt I was up against four or five demons because I always knew Sean’s heart. He would do anything for anyone; he could talk to anyone and make them feel special and heard. He was never deliberately mean to anyone. Unfortunately, these four or five demons were in control and Sean did not know how to send them packing.
Instead, he packed up a few belongings and left our home in August 2005 the same month I was beginning my teaching position at Pinecrest. His choices had left my heart shattered in many, many pieces, but I still loved him and I knew his heart.
Sean’s life during this time: He would call periodically to say how much he loved us and missed us. He would want to meet up with us from time to time. At times, he would not show up or cancel for some reason, and my son’s heart would be broken. As a result, in later years, when Sean would want to meet, I would go but let Nicholas decide for himself. Sean would want to see Nicholas, so I would recommend maybe writing Nicholas a letter to break the ice. This proved to be easier said than done.
We would meet at coffee shops, at the cemetery where my dad and brother were buried, at Waffle House, at the park. He would always call me on my birthday and on our anniversary and at various times throughout the year. He would always touch base on Nicholas’s birthday. His last text to me was on June 12th this year. He wanted to wish Nicholas a happy birthday. He wanted to know how I was doing. He was always concerned about my well-being. When I had ankle surgery in 2014 and then lip cancer surgery in 2017, he would say that when he had gone for chemo treatment, he had asked the nurse some questions about my condition. Then he would give me the advice she gave him. He always cared and worried about me and Nicholas.
My life during this time: I have always believed that Marriage is not what have you done for me lately; but rather, how much you are willing to sacrifice. In Marriage - we help each other get to heaven. In Marriage I made a commitment not just to Sean but to God as well. Marriage is for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.
People would say, “How can you stay married to someone who obviously has moved on and who has hurt you so badly?” I just knew Sean’s heart and I knew I wanted to keep my commitment to both God and to Sean no matter what choices he was making.
Mother Teresa once said that when she picked up people off the street, she did not care if they were Muslim or Hindu or Baptist or Atheist. She wanted the last face for them to see to be a face of love. I never forgot that and decided that I would always be a face of love and a face of forgiveness to Sean. I also would say out loud to myself, “Stay close to God.” I would say this over and over again because I knew if I did, God would help me through this. In my conversations with God, He would let me know that He would never betray me or reject me or hurt me or abandon me, so I clung to Him.
During the Mass right before the consecration, the old wording used to be, “On the night he was betrayed, Jesus gave thanks and praise.” I thought to myself, if Jesus was able to give thanks and praise after all of the betrayal and heartache He experienced, then so was I.
All of my Masses and Communions were for Sean. I say this not to boast but to show you the power of God’s mercy and to show you that He truly hears our prayers. I would pray novenas and prayers to my two main advocates, St. Rita and St. Monica. I would offer sacrifices and every Christmas novena and St. Therese novena for Sean. Each year, I would offer Masses for Sean on his birthday and on our anniversary. After every communion, I would pray for the conversion, salvation, and health of Sean’s soul and then I would list names of Saints to intercede on his behalf. The Divine Mercy became one of my favorite prayers. I told God I was willing to suffer anything for the salvation of Sean’s soul. I truly wanted Sean’s soul to go to heaven. When I thought of him as a child of God, it was easier to forgive him as one would forgive a child.
In 2009, I found out Sean had had a baby whom he named Grace. My heart was once again shattered for I knew he was now never coming home. I also thought that maybe this is the Grace Sean needed to come back home to God. In addition, I realized that my prayer for Sean all of these years may not have been as pure as I thought it to be. I had to be willing to let Sean go completely. So I changed my prayer slightly and said to God, “I just want Sean’s soul to go to heaven even if I never get to see him again.” I had to completely surrender him to God.
I had started to distance myself from Sean’s calls because they were so hard on my heart. My hopes would rise each time I saw he had called or texted, only to be dashed by some excuse as to why he couldn’t meet. I felt like I needed to protect my heart, but I vowed that the prayers would continue.
In March 2015, I received a call from Sean’s sisters that Sean had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I told Sean’s sisters to have Sean give me a call and we were back to texting and calling. When my brother passed away in March 2016, we met at the cemetery the following Memorial Day. My dad loved Sean as a son. So when my dad passed away in December 2016, Sean was deeply moved. He would text me periodically to say that he had just visited the cemetery where he said a prayer for my brother and my dad. This was Sean’s heart - the caring and loving heart that I knew he always had. Unfortunately, however, despite my assurances that I forgave him unconditionally and wholeheartedly and that I truly wanted him to be happy and at peace, Sean just never seemed to be able to forgive himself.
God’s mercy during the last four days of Sean’s life: On Wednesday July 25th, 2018, I received a call from Sean’s older brother Bryan saying that Sean was in the hospital and did not have much longer. He also said that since we were still married, I was Sean’s legal surrogate - I was the one who had to make decisions about his life and about whether or not he should be resucitated and about where he should go after the hospital since there was nothing more the hospital could do. To go (in the eyes of the world) from being of no importance in Sean’s life to now making important decisions about his life was a mixture of so many emotions. But the most dominant emotion was one of immense gratitude to God for allowing Sean to be back in my life if only for a few days. I now would be able to care for and offer comfort to Sean - something I had long to do for so long. Now that he was back in my life, I would not leave his side. I wanted him to know my love, to know my forgiveness, but more importantly, to know God’s love and forgiveness.
During those four days, God’s mercy knew no bounds. God was going to have His way no matter what and He seemed to be nudging me out of my comfort zone for the sake of Sean’s soul.
God showed Sean His mercy in the following ways:
Sean received Last Rites (also known as Extreme Unction or Anointing of the Sick) on Wed by our friend Fr. Larry Niese.
Sean received Last Rites on Thurs by Fr. Kevin Peek - importance of Last Rites - it is a sacrament of healing instituted by Christ that has the potential to save souls. St. James is also quite explicit in his epistle, in describing this sacrament: “Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer of faith will save the sick man, and the Lord will raise him up; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.”
Sean’s family agreed to let us put the Brown Scapular on him - The Scapular Promise is, "Take this Scapular. Whosoever dies wearing it shall not suffer eternal fire. It shall be a sign of salvation, a protection in danger and pledge of peace."
Periodic blessings with Lourdes water - healing water which can bring physical and spiritual healing.
Sean’s hospital nurse’s name was Angel, and his hospice nurses’ names were Joy and Melody.
Numerous rosaries were prayed by Sean’s bedside especially in the last hours of his life recited by his siblings and me followed by the St. Michael prayer.
Numerous Divine Mercy’s prayed especially during the 3:00 hour - the hour of Our Lord’s death - and just before Sean passed - Our Lord asked St. Faustina to pray and offer the Chaplet for sinners and the dying, saying: "Pray as much as you can for the dying. By your entreaties [that is, insistent prayers] obtain for them trust in My mercy, because they have most need of trust, and have it the least. Be assured that the grace of eternal salvation for certain souls in their final moment depends on your prayer. You know the whole abyss of My mercy, so draw upon it for yourself and especially for poor sinners. Sooner would heaven and earth turn into nothingness than would My mercy not embrace a trusting soul"(Diary, 1777). One of the best means of assisting the dying is the one that Jesus revealed to St. Faustina and insisted that she use often — even continuously: The Divine Mercy Chaplet. Jesus said: "My daughter, encourage souls to say the chaplet which I have given to you. It pleases Me to grant everything they ask of Me by saying the chaplet. ... Write that when they say this chaplet in the presence of the dying, I will stand between My Father and the dying person, not as the just Judge but as the merciful Savior (Diary, 1541). Earlier, Our Lord said to her, "At the hour of their death, I defend as My own glory every soul that will say this chaplet; or when others say it for a dying person, the indulgence is the same" (Diary, 811).
8. Sean was moved from Northside Canton Hospital to a hospice in Cumming where the prayers and support of so many abounded.
9. My sister and I prayed by Sean’s bedside the Act of Resignation to Death prayer written by a Carmelite nun by Sean’s bedside - the same prayer we prayed by the side of by brother and my dad as they were dying.
10. My sister also brought a small red Sacred Heart patch that used to be my dad’s from a long time ago. I placed the Sacred Heart patch directly on Sean’s heart under his gown. The Divine Heart concedes to the repentant the grace of forgiveness and the most tender kiss of reconciliation.
11. Two girls who are majoring in music therapy came by Sean’s room and sang his favorite song “Silent Night” and then “On Eagle’s Wings.”
12. On Friday my brother Fr. Kevin celebrated Mass in Sean’s hospice room, and Sean received the Precious Blood of Christ for the first time in a long time and for the last time - his Viaticum - (meaning of Viaticum): From the Catechism of the Catholic Church: “In addition to the Anointing of the Sick, the Church offers those who are about to leave this life the Eucharist as viaticum. Communion in the body and blood of Christ, received at this moment of "passing over" to the Father, has a particular significance and importance. It is the seed of eternal life and the power of resurrection, according to the words of the Lord: "He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raisehim up at the last day."140 The sacrament of Christ once dead and now risen, the Eucharist is here the sacrament of passing over from death to life, from this world to the Father.141 The Anointing of the Sick and the Eucharist as viaticum constitute at the end of Christian life "the sacraments that prepare for our heavenly homeland" or the sacraments that complete the earthly pilgrimage.
13. Fr Kevin administered an Apostolic Blessing - (meaning of blessing) The Apostolic Blessing or Pardon at the Hour of Death is part of the Last Rites. The priest imparts the blessing at once, saying: By the authority granted me by the Holy See, I impart to you a plenary indulgence and the remission of all sins; in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. All: Amen.
14. Three consecrated women from Pinecrest visited during his last hour on earth and they prayed the Memorare. St. Lawrence Justinian once referred to the Blessed Mother as, “The ladder of paradise, the gate of heaven, the most true mediatrix between God and man.”
15. I blessed Sean - born on the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes - one last time on the forehead with Lourdes water and he immediately took his last breath - at which time Fr. Darren walked in the room.
16. Sean died holding the rosary and crucifix in his hands.
17. Even on the day of his funeral in Buffalo this past Saturday - Fr. Kevin came and conducted a proper Christian burial which was beautiful. The family did not want a Mass and although I was heartbroken about that, I continued to try to surrender to God’s will. With the agreement and cooperation of the Buffalo Carmelites - my sister’s first Carmelite monastery - Fr. Kevin was able to celebrate a Mass for Sean that evening at 5:00 p.m. Fr. Kevin celebrated the Mass of the feast day of St. John Vianney to the beautiful singing by the Carmelites, God’s brides. The goal of the Carmelite is union with God. My sister once said in the darkness of the early days, “Denise, Sean can’t help but go to heaven with so many people praying for him.”
When Sean passed, I had three real reactions:
Sean is so happy now; he is finally at peace - the peace that only Christ can give
Gratitude - an overwhelming and immense gratitude to God for the mercy He showed to Sean and for the love He showed to me - a love I felt I truly did not deserve
Finally, I felt God’s intense desire for me to share the story of His mercy - I sensed Him saying, “Denise, tell this story. People have no idea just how merciful I am.”
You may have people in your life who have hurt you or who have betrayed you or who have even divorced you. Or you may have a family member or a friend who is going in the wrong direction. When Sean left me, I felt that half of my heart was going in the wrong direction, and the heart pain was very real. It is important that you forgive - even if no apology is given. If you wait for an apology, the forgiveness becomes conditional. It is important that you pray unceasingly. St. Monica prayed for 26 years for her son St. Augustine. I used to joke with God that He better answer my prayer for Sean’s soul in 26 years or make me a saint. Sean left 13 years ago, and God has answered my prayers. It is important that you persevere in your prayer and never give up hope.
God always knew how Sean’s journey would end. I just needed to have faith in God’s plan for Sean. He has a plan for each one of us. We must be a face of love and forgiveness to everyone because that is how God loves us despite our own rejection of or our own betrayal of God. When Sean passed away, I felt that his soul had finally found peace - half of my heart is filled with that heavenly peace.
I thank this community for loving me and supporting me all of these years. Your love is something I will always cherish. I want to thank my friends who have stepped in and helped me in so many ways. I want to thank my family who has diligently prayed for our family, especially for Sean. I especially want to thank my brother Fr. Kevin who has been by my side throughout Sean’s last days, his burial, and this Memorial Mass. His presence brought so much spiritual healing to Sean. Finally, I would also like to thank my son Nicholas who has been through so much in his lifetime and yet who loves and cares for me in spite of the craziness.
The Divine Mercy image has two rays coming out of the heart of Jesus - one representing His mercy and one representing His love. Let us ask to God to help us be merciful and loving as He is merciful and loving to us as we conclude with the closing prayer of the Divine Mercy Chaplet - a prayer that literally on one time saved my life and that has brought me so much comfort all of these years:
Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion — inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.